Today I decided to clean the room after having not done so properly for a while. I plugged in my earphones and started vacuuming.
I reached the side of my table where my guitar was and knelt down to clear up all the scrap pieces of paper that was on the floor, properly for once. As I did so, I found a purple lollipop behind the guitar. A 5 month old purple lollipop. And suddenly, sadness welled up in me. I picked it up and stared in to space. I let my body go limp.
The lollipop was the last thing my ex gave to me when she still cared. She loved the sour sweets so when she gave it to me she told me I had to eat it, since she was giving it up. But then after that, she never gave me anything again. She stopped caring, and lost interest in me as a boyfriend.
To think that I'm in a completely different world now than I was back then. She feels so far away. So far away that I don't think about her anymore everyday. Only just sometimes when something reminds me of her, and I wish she were still around.
Sure, we're still "friends", but we don't see each other anymore, or if we do, we don't talk. It still hurts every time I see her.
If I force her out of my mind, I don't have to feel so bad.
By now the purple lollipop had changed a bit in colour and gone a bit runny. I went to my room and placed it on the shelf.
Meanwhile, Utada's song played in my ears.
Stay with me, stay with me
My baby, say you love me
Stay with me, stay with me
Hitori ni sasenai
But don't get me wrong, I think I'm over her after I stopped thinking about her all the time. Or if I'm not, I'm getting there. Because nothing would make me more happy than if we became really good friends.
My mind just wanders that's all.
